Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Comparisons....I Know, it's Wrong

We all do it.
We compare ourselves to other women - women at church, the gym, the mall, the grocery store, the park, driving down the freeway. Everywhere.
We compare our homes to others in the neighborhood, our friends' houses, houses on TV.
We compare our children to other kids.
And this is where my crazy thoughts have taken me today.
Mya doesn't know what her toes are, and I feel horrible about it.
Lately I've been really struggling with comparing my kids to other kids. I compare Lo to kids in preschool, forgetting she's an entire year younger than most of them. I compare B to every other kid I encounter her age.
Lauren spoke exceptionally early. By Mya's age she was speaking full sentences - we had conversations, she could tell me exactly what she wanted in great detail. Mya grunts. She walks to the fridge or the pantry and grunts.
The comparing has gotten worse lately because I've watched a friend's little girl the same age as Mya and she says SO MANY WORDS!
Drink, please, thank you, shoes, picture.
She knows EVERY animal sound I can throw at her.
Today Mya told me a snake said "rarr", and last week tried to lick the tire on the truck.
I've really been beating myself up about this because it's my job to teach her where her toes are. It's my job that she knows what a snake says.
This has been bothering me for a few weeks now.
And then I realized that it doesn't matter.
Does this mean that she isn't smart? Does it mean that she's stupid?
Of course not!
And at the end of the day, do I honestly care if anyone thinks my small toddler is stupid? No. Because I know she isn't.
And she probably just doesn't care.
It's not like she'll never know what a snake says, and it's not like she'll never know where her toes are. And let's pray she doesn't continue to want to know what a tire tastes like.
There is no child like Mya.
This kid has caused me more heartburn and tears than I'd like to admit, but I wouldn't trade her for the world. She's sassy, determined, independent, stubborn, and - on occasion - the sweetest thing you've ever seen.
She only gives loves when she really, really wants to. And consider yourself special if you get a kiss - those are not handed out to just anyone.
There is a big, special place in my heart for this kid, and I firmly believe that there's a really, really, really good reason she is part of our family. And I'm hoping that stubborn streak is going to come in very handy when it comes to peer pressure someday. Her determination and independence are going to get her far in life. I can pretty much guarantee she'll never take crap from anyone.
And this post has gone on far too long, and I can't think of a good way to wrap this thing up, so have a nice one.
Mya rocks (when she's not licking tires)!


Carrie Medford said...

I can totally relate. I had to come to terms that my kids will walk when they're ready and talk when they're ready and be potty-trained and whatever else when they're ready. I just have to remember that each child is unique and we love them for who they are. It's good to know that I'm not the only one with super stubborn girls. I bet if we got our girls together they would get along great--or rip each other's eyes out.

Kris & Amy said...

Loved the ending! LOL! You are a great Mom Kiersti! We all feel like that sometimes!

Strong Family - said...

Jacob & Connor both said a few words right when they turned one, then stopped talking and grunted until well after age 2. After going through it with Jacob I just didn't care about it with Connor and it was SO much better. Gotta love those kids! :-) (P.S. I think you're an awesome mom.) Lauree

Davis Strong said...

AMEN!! I love that Mya. She seriously makes me smile everytime I see her...I don't know maybe because I know she has some serious spunk. I have to laugh because I worried about the first two more than the last two and in someways I think the last two will turn out to be much more happy. :) I too worry about the talking and potty training, I just have to let some things go. My kids are happy and that makes me happy.

Jennie said...

Ha Ha! Move to Tennessee. There are hardly any kids to compare them to, except the other ones at church...but they're really far away and we only see them once a week.

Lindsay said...

You're so right. It doesn't matter!! At all. No one asks you when you're 16 what age you were potty trained or if you were the first kid in preschool to color in the lines.

I understand the feeling of pressure for sure. My little girl doesn't care about some things, like letters. But when she DOES care she's gonna care full force and she's going to get it. And she's 4 and should be on track with that right now. But she has just recently decided to care. It's not that I haven't worked on it with her, they just all learn differently. It's night & day comparing her and Brandt. But, she potty trained herself the second she started to care about it, and he STILL sometimes struggles.

The tire thing cracks me right up. Sometimes I'd honestly like to taste wet pavement cause the stuff smells SO good.

I wish so bad all the time that I could shut that comparing part of my brain off. It is so useless.

Jennie said...

I think that you're exactly right. It doesn't matter, but I get the comparing thing. I do it too, and it's horrible. I've heard that the hardest kids are the best teenagers... so look forward to that! :)

Heidi said...

I love your honesty here.. I don't have kids so I can't totally relate but I appreciate you are willing to let it go. We all get stuck in the compare game and I'm still trying to figure out how to get out of it.