Thursday, April 7, 2011

Negative Nelly

So, I realize that lately things seem to have been slightly negative around here.  I know I talk alot about how hard this pregnancy has been and all the negative things associated with it.
I just want to clarify - it's not all bad.
I've been very introspective this pregnancy, because it's going to be our last {and please, PLEASE, no comments about "trying for that boy" or "wait until this baby isn't a baby anymore and you'll want another one" - I'm a bit tired of those comments.  We feel like #3 completes our family, and have since we had #1.  Period.  End of statement}.
I've thought alot about how this is going to be the last time - the last time I feel a baby move inside of my body.  The last time I get to wear my favorite secret fit belly jeans {they are soooooo comfy}, the last time I get a crazy food craving.
It's a very strange feeling to have, this "last time" feeling.  Carrying a baby is like nothing else in the world, and it's different for everyone.
But here are some things I'm going to miss and want to remember.
*Our 9:00 pm "Mom's belly is a jungle gym" sessions every night.  Like clockwork.  I remember the very first times I felt her move - it was around 12 weeks {maybe even a little earlier} were always at around 9:00.  Because that's when the girls are finally asleep and I can finally relax.  I still love to just lay on the couch at that time and feel {now watch} her go crazy in there.  That has always been my very most favorite part of being pregnant and I know I will miss it.
*Preparing.  I LOVE preparing for a new baby.  I love that my husband has let me completely redecorate the nursery with every new baby, crazy as it seems.  It's my way of feeling like I did something special for each baby.  And I know that it really is kind of nuts, and a total waste of money when I have perfectly good girly crib bedding.  And I know that the baby will never know.  It's completely a "me" weirdo thing.  It makes no sense.  And all of the itty bitty clothes and accessories you get to buy - seriously.  Could baby things be any cuter?  My other babies were more fall-ish babies, so it's been so sad having to buy a bunch of new summer things for this one :).  And I'm really into making little hair head adornments {bald babies, remember} for this one.  You can only use headbands through so many kids anyway before they just get nasty.  Really, I just love new stuff.
*I will greatly miss the little half smile Bryan gets when I catch him looking at my belly and he doesn't know I'm looking.  He doesn't love the whole pregnant thing - he thinks it's all kind of weird and alien-like.  Which I'm fine with.  He's just not one of those men who are all about their wife's belly and think it's the greatest thing ever.  So when I catch him looking, and see that little smile creep over his lips, and see the little sparkle in his eyes, I just want to burst inside. 
*The anticipation of meeting the newest member of the family.  I sit here for hours sometimes thinking of what this little lady is going to look/be like.  Will she have Lo's sweet disposition, Mya's cheeks, the same striking blue eyes that somehow both of my other girls got from who knows where?  There's no question, she will be bald, but will her hair eventually be curly and light like the other 2, or will she have my dark brown?  How will the birth go?  Birth is such a rush for me for this reason - I want to meet my child.  I want to get her out into this world, into our family where she belongs.  I secretly love giving birth.  The whole contracting and pushing and anticipation of the whole thing is so incredible and amazing and wonderful to me.  It's very strange to think this is the last time I will actually give birth to a child.
*The "after".  The late night feedings, in her room, just me and her.  Quiet throughout the rest of the house.  And I know with this baby especially, I will savor those moments of quiet together, because as soon as the sun rises, I will be needed for other things.  I won't be able to just hold and snuggle and smell her all by myself.  There will be cereal to pour, baths to give, hair to do, stories to read, fights to break up, and other attention to give.  I love the feeling a new baby brings to a home - there's nothing else like it.  Amid the craziness of it, there's a calm, a serenity that leaves all too quickly as they grow.  You can just feel how close they are to the veil, and the spirit they bring is like nothing else.  This is the last time I will bring home a new baby.

I can't believe I'm 34 weeks now, and will be meeting this sweet thing in probably more like 4 weeks {doc says I'm most likely to go early since I had the other 2 early - woo hoo}.  And this is the last time I will be saying that I'm "34 weeks along". Crazy. 


Jennie-O said...

Good for you for enjoying it even though it really sucks most of the time!! I'm 100% with you about the "try for a boy" comments. I too have always known #3 is the end. I can't wait to meet her and start going to the park again with you soon if the weather will ever cooperate!!

j. said...

it really is crazy that this is your last pregnancy EVER. i am glad you are savoring every moment of it. i have so many dear friends who are struggling HARD to get pregnant right now & it has really put things back in perspective for me and reminded me of how lucky us mothers and pregnant mothers are. it's such a miracle, even though it can be tiring and hard at times. like i said, glad you are savoring it. love ya.

Lindsay said...

Left a long beautifully written comment and was rejected by my browser. Um, lame.

So in a word. Ditto.

Hopefully my awesome comment pops up sometime in the near future.:)

BreeAnn said...

great post! new babies do bring a sense of peace to the house