Tuesday, May 29, 2012

When Least Expected

This is quite personal, but I have found that writing about this stuff really helps, so I guess I'll share.
It's amazing how a seemingly normal situation can trigger something.
On Sunday, we sat down to enjoy a lovely game of Ticket to Ride at the cabin, and my nieces were turning on a movie.
They had chosen to watch "7 Pounds" - you know, the one with Will Smith.
I mentioned that it was a sad movie, and then my brain started going nuts thinking about the plot of the movie and that led to an absolute panic attack.
I have never experienced anything like it.
My body was shaking uncontrollably and I felt like I couldn't breathe.
I was reliving sitting in my parents' living room late into the night on November 8, listening to my father talk to someone at the hospital, answering endless questions about my brother and agreeing to donate his organs/tissues/bones.
I could see the look on my Dad's face all over again - absolute heartbreak and despair.
I was completely overwhelmed.
I put my face in my hands and tried to compose myself, but couldn't.
I wanted to scream, I wanted to run, and I just wanted that stupid movie to be OFF.
I stood up and I think blurted out "I need you to turn this off" or something like that and ran to the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure my family might think I'm a bit crazy.
It took me a couple of minutes to compose myself before I was able to go back and join the family.
But it got me thinking about the recipients - the lives that have been saved and changed because of Trevor's death.
I talked to my dad yesterday, and we discussed writing letters and attempting to contact the recipients and hear their stories.
I think it could be a very healing experience to learn about them.
To put faces and names to these unknown people out there, walking around with these physical pieces of my little brother - their lives forever changed.
I sent an email this morning to the Texas Organ Sharing Alliance and asked some questions about how to get started in the process.
I'm not sure what will happen by going down this road, but I can't imagine it won't be a positive step in the healing process.
We shall see, we shall see.
I have always been very vocal to my family and husband that I want to be a donor, I have always felt very strongly about it.
I will forever be so proud of my parents for making that decision under such horrible circumstances.
Knowing that some really good, positive things could come from such a tragedy is comforting, and I really want to know more about it.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

The Great {preschool} Graduate

Thing 1 "graduated" from preschool last week.
I still can't believe I'm going to have a child in an actual school building with a playground and those big, heavy, metal double doors this fall.
Let's not think about that right now.

Her school put on a lovely little program, and I was so happy that she got to sit in the very front row so we could all get a great view.

Her line was "A pot, and some soil, and a small flower seed"

Singing "Mr. Sun"

Doing the ah ah ah ah part of "If all the rain drops were lemon drops and gum drops"
{Jane sings along to that part, as well.....very loudly}

The Caterpillar Conga
Aaaaaaand then my camera battery died.  I know.  I'm a great mom for not checking it earlier in the day.
I sure do love this kid and I can't believe how big she is.
She lost a tooth, with a second one leaving any day now.
She reads words that are so big and I can't believe how smart she is.
She does little math problems all day long and loves to add and subtract.
She puts on her own shoes, and is determined to learn how to tie them herself.
She is constantly asking questions about how things work and why, and I have to remind myself that it's good and not the most annoying thing ever.
She will still cuddle me sometimes.....but only if I tickle her back.
She wants to be a princess and live at Disneyland when she grows up.
She randomly gives me hugs and kisses all day long and tells me she loves me.
She is always saying that things are the best ever - "this is the best dinner ever, Mom!", "this is the best day ever", "this is my favorite outfit ever!"
When I give her choices, she is always asking what I would choose - she is very much a people pleaser.
She is so wonderful and good and sometimes I feel like my heart is going to just burst right out of my chest because I love her so much.

Party Time, Excellent

Who doesn't love a good Wayne's World reference?

We had all of our family over for a red-headed bday party Friday night.
We open presents naked 'round here.

Pants cake anyone?  My sister is awesome.

She ate about one quarter of one pant leg....
And smashed her sippy cup in it....
And then she was done.
It was so much fun, and Jane got some super fun toys and WAY cute new threads.  And I wish she could wear those sunglasses every day for the rest of her life.  Don't you?

Friday, May 18, 2012

And the Baby is ONE

Can't believe my baby girl is ONE!
The Janers celebrated the day by going to the zoo with friends, not paying attention to any animals, getting constipated, not taking a good nap, attending Lauren's preschool graduation, and having

See the cupcake

Getting excited

Not really sure what to do here

I've never eaten anything blue before....

I'm going to touch it
OK, that felt slimy and weird
What am I supposed to do with this, huh???
I'm in my high chair, am I supposed to eat this thing?
Let's give it a good squish and make a weird face
And squish some more
Make another weird face {just like my daddy does when the camera comes out}

I guess I'll take a bite
A BIG bite
And so will Mya
Tasting, tasting, savoring...
Have some more?
Don't mind if I do

That Sweet Tooth Fairy sure does make a delicious slimy blue thing
Happy girl :)

That whole process seriously took FOREVER.  She did not want to eat it - she's a total texture kid and the frosting completely weirded her out!

What I would do without this kid to brighten my every day is a mystery to me.
She is the funniest, fieriest, most adorable little thing and I really can't believe one whole year has gone by since she was born and I saw that red hair and went "huh?"
The night before her birthday, she decided that she was no longer going to crawl ever again, and she was going to say "hello".
She sings along to "Happy Birthday"
She gives loves and the occasional open mouthed, slobber kiss.
I love her so much I can hardly stand it.


Wednesday, May 2, 2012

I Know, My Kids Are Beautiful :)

The amazing, talented, wonderful, hilarious Sheryll of Sheryll Lynne Photographers did a quick mini session of my kidlings last month.
You would die if you saw the location of where these were shot.....every time I drive by I giggle because I would never think in a million years you could get a semi decent picture in that place ;)

So, someone tell me how my little teeny tiny ginger baby turned into this little kid who sits and walks and has molars {soon to be 4 molars!} and jabbers and sings and dances and eats chicken nuggets??  Seriously, when did this happen?

I don't have a lot of experience with redheads, but from what I understand, this one is definitely a typical, hot tempered, fiery little one.
And I love it!
She answers to all of her many nicknames {Pants, Ners, Ners-Ners Baby, Ginger Baby, Janers, the list goes on....}
Her favorite song to "sing" is either Happy Birthday or We Are Young {thanks to Mya who sings it all. the. time}
She will dance to anything - even hymns at church.
She walks.....but still not all the time.  She has just decided in the last couple days that she wants to maybe try and get the hang of it before she turns 1 in 2 weeks from tomorrow.
Her clothing sizes are all over the place - yesterday she was wearing an 18 month shirt and 3-6 month shorts. 
Still super skinny and super tall.
She will eat almost anything, except fresh fruit - I think the texture weirds her out.  She prefers the baby food pouches, probably because she can just suck the stuff out and be done in under a minute.
She does love fresh fruit smoothies, and I've been trying to find some sort of cup where I can just give them to her like the baby food pouches because I'm tired of sitting with her with a straw.
But I keep trying to give her the good stuff - cut up pears and peaches, etc., and she keeps spitting it out.
Black beans are probably her most favorite food, followed by green beans, any meat, and cheese. 
She is stingy with her kisses and hands them out pretty much only to Daddy, I think just to tease me.  I'm sure of it.
She only gives hugs to Mya.
She loves her big sisters and just wants to be cool like they are.

Lauren.  Lauren, Lauren, Lauren.
I have decided I will cry when she goes to Kindergarten this fall.
Not because she's my baby and I'm sending her off into the big, bad world {that's a whole other post}, but because she is so much fun and I am going to miss her like crazy when she's at school.
She loves to help me do anything - cook, clean {sometimes}, entertain Jane, pull weeds, snuggle.
She is just such a good, loving, sweet, kind, happy kid.

And gorgeous - did I mention gorgeous?
I love to see her curls bounce up and down on her back as she prances around the house every day.
I'm pretty sure 5 is the best age ever.

Mya Moo!
I will forever love this picture.
I'm sure when I'm old and I think of Mya as a child, this is how I will picture her in my mind.
I let both her and Lo choose their own outfits for their pictures, and Mya's is so classic Mya - purple sweater, skinny jeans, and boots.

She is getting so big, so dramatic, and is a riot {as long as you aren't needing her to behave or do something}.
She truly is just about the most entertaining kid I've ever met.
She is getting super particular about her hair - which is actually starting to kind of grow and we can kind of style it.
She loves it "straight", and I do, too, because it almost is a little bob.
She loves makeup and asks me all day long for dark pink lipstick, which I apply, and then she walks around like she owns the place.
She is 3 going on 17.....it's going to be a long 14 years :)
I'm confident that her cheeks are never going to get smaller, and I'm fine with that because when she rides her bike and goes over bumps, they jiggle and it's the best.

I sure do love these girls!
Sometimes I just look at them and wonder how I got so lucky.
I am so blessed.